yeah. i wish i felt vengeful or bitter... but i'm only.. i don't know, just not either of those. maybe exercising is calming my .. uhm.. rage.. in such excess that i'm now blah. yeah, that's it.. but i'm still not feeling that great.. today sucked. i hate making eye contact. with anyone, pretty much.. as long as it's forced and silent. when talking to friends or even just saying hi.. its natural.. but.. otherwise.. it makes me uneasy, weak, and pathetic.. if people don't like or know me then they should look away.. not stare directly into my eyes. i'm sick of walking around in circles and i hate physics and math and english and every other class i'm screwing up in.. but knowing that there are some decent people in my school.. genuinely nice guys.. makes living day-to-day bearable. whether or not i'm paranoid, weird, crazy or evil.. at least they're pretending to see the good in me.. and don't constantly remind me of how terrible i am.. no matter what they're actually thinking. woohoooo... finally a song not by dashboard confessionals. no one deserves to be dragged to death by a noose and then accused of suicide. hehe. fortune cookies. crap, i'm not going to be able to handle tomorrow...
ooo.. flashback.. lol. "friendships can last forever because it is easy to accept a friend's flaws and help them with their problems, but if you're going out with someone.. well, everything becomes more complicated so all of the little annoyances grow until they are unbearable. . . " and soon the days will turn to years.. and i'll reflect on now and miss being alive.