"sometimes i care."
"no you don't."
"no i don't know. sometimes i do. no. no i don't. i don't feel anything at all."
...i grew to love someone. love? love...come what may.
moulin rouge. how typical.
and you see him now. with a strange smirk on his face, or are you just paranoid? walking through those doors you used to see yourself at, walking through your life like it never happened. you know every inch of him, every freckle that grows with the sun and fades with the cold. and yet, you can't stand to look at him."
-Sisi
You explain it oh too well. "You're not alone and you're not discrete..and as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs and wonder how you're making out". Of course I'd be a blatant, headstrong liar if I said I never wonder, that I never notice his presence because I do but it's nothing that I can help. I hate it, but only because I pay too much attention to details. "and when did your eyes begin to look fake, I hope you're as happy as you're pretending." But I know he's not pretending which in a good day, is good, in a bad mood, is bad.
No no...it's a good thing. I don't want to be a sadistic bitch who can't move on. Because don't get me wrong, I'm over it. I'm over him. I have been for a while. But i think the difference is that every now and then my mind wonders, and I somehow need some sort of validation. "it's weird that you two both deny it". That hurts because it's as if it meant nothing, that it was nothing, as if IT DIDN'T EVEN HAPPEN. But I guess I don't need him to validate it for me. I know it was something...well for me anyways, and now i see him, and I don't even acknowledge that i know him, because i don't. I knew someone. I saw someone but that someone isn't him anymore. Or something. And i've completely detached what i saw in him with what he is him now. If that makes sense. Hmph.
I don't think tears are needed to show true emotions and stoicism can replace it anyday, and since reality fails I have to believe in an ideal or else...what else is there? You're right, he didn't break my heart. But that doesn't mean I didn't break, even just a little.
-g1