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i am extracting meaning when it isn't there or maybe the meaning is there but not the intensity of emotion but i can't help but feel really f*cking sad because the last time i saw my grandfather his head had that old person shake and my dad threw away practically the entirety of his career work while saving for me some childhood singalong casette that probably can't even play. moving is shit complete shit especially when it feels like the end of your parents' lives, because it was prompted from a realization of their limited lifeline, and its the end of my role as child, and it just all makes me REALLY f*cking sad and mortal and i hate it.