a ha

sometimes i just don't know what to make of anything. i find myself talking and suddenly a dozen contradictions rise up in my mind so i change direction abruptly and end up saying not much of anything at all, leaving whoever i'm talking to...well, i don't know. it's rather existential, but not really angsty or ennui-like, more like being blankly dumbfounded by the horrible confusion that is life. i suppose that's not existential, that's...something else. like being non-functional. so i think it's come down to taking things a day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute. if maybe that's one thing i've learned from rowing. and also school. and i don't know if it's terrible, or depressing, or oddly liberating, or if i'm trying to escape reality like a dung beetle. all i know is i think about anything 6+ months into the future and i freak out.