life didn't choose to teach me a different lesson

i will never completely give myself away to any one thing because, well, it seems not at all worth the risk. but sometimes it feels like that's maybe the wrong way to go about things. like i'll never find anything worth doing that way. i don't know. sometimes i feel very hostile towards things, people, whatever's not "myself," i'm sure there's some psychoanalysis bullshit term for it. and sometimes i regret it, but i don't really know any other way to be.