i am a horrible person.
i finally woke up from the dream state and realized.. man.. i say and do a lot of crap that i don't mean.. and it's just plain.. awful. i swear i wasn't always this bad.. it happened when i got into that whole optimism thing (or.. not.. :-/).. which.. yeah, i've managed to keep up (at least in my mind..). i still think somewhat positively, but i haven't mastered the whole speaking positively thing.. especially when that's all i really mean to do.. it's just so much easier to say how much you dislike something versus that you admire or appreciate it.. especially since so many other people go for the negative(lol, i complain more. pathetic). cept.. that's not an excuse. i guess i can't take back anything, but i'm not standing behind any of it... i've been acting like such a complete dumbass for the past.. idunno how long.. and i'm sorry for it.. sorry for being so unbelievably stupid and forgetting about reality.... i'll try to keep that from happening ever again. i'd normally make a promise, but i know how much i suck and i might let something slip and say what i don't mean.. directly opposed to what i actually feel.. but i don't want to do that anymore.. i never did. i just don't deal with affection well.. for obvious reasons... wow. this is all so corny and gooshy.. hehe.. yeah, but now i'm all fine again.. almost.... maybe i'll get a second chance.. i wanna be better.. but prolly not.. i just plain suck. ughhhh. i would hate me if i weren't me.. but i'm not and i still do. <:kicks self:> at least i caught this before i was an OLD bittered person.. but being young and "bitter" is even worse.
::g3::