no more secrets... what the hell is happening to me? so.. this is growing up. killing the dreamworld, reducing hope to sensible goals.. everything is so plain. 37 more school days left.. lol.. "it's never really what you own but what you throw away".. yeah... ugh. everyone who is thought to be deep is only reserved... holding secrets and thoughts back from the public realm. that adds to the intrigue.. makes a person less transparent... but once it's all told.. once it's all known.. everyone is shallow.. everyone is driven by similar desires.. everyone is human. ha. i don't like this. i don't like change... i despise reality.. but now that i know, i'll never forget. i'm throwing the past away.. the scars will always remain.. but my thoughts and personality have become outdated. in a year, i'll miss this. i already miss old relationships.. friendships that died for one reason or another.. i miss being young.. innocent.. so damn oblivious and believing in the tooth fairy. but all of that is gone.. and if no one else cares.. neither should i. heh.. i wish i didn't care so much.. and could accept the losses.. but it's hard to let go...
heeeheeeeee...
a: i realized something about beauty...
a: the "ugliest" people are normally the most beautiful..
a: because they're unique..
m: hm.
a: beauty is not conforming.. it's originality.. having distinctive features..
a: so even if someone looks funky.. if it's a different, unique kind of funky.. it's beautiful..
m: heh.. not to the male populus.
a: damn them. the brain always loses.
*
:bawls: "here's to the nights we felt alive..." nostalgia.. is horrible. i should never look back at where i've been and what i've lost.. too depressing. times are great now, but i hate moving ahead.. before i know it i'll be turning 50 years old.. celebrating with my cats in my cardboard box. agh. birthdays and aging should be fun, not a reminder of how much you've died.. i need to work on that.. and keep certain boxes closed.