a whole year. reminiscence of how things used to be. how simple everything was. i was happy. cheerful. delighted to be hanging out with friends. new and fresh friends. new discoveries, new secrets, new conversations. time has changed. i have changed. and everyone else around me has as well. we all have so much of ourselves to give, then blankly we realize there's no one there who would want all this. who would want all that love, time, and life? no one. no one wants to be bothered by another person. i wouldn't. you wouldn't. he wouldn't. no one would.
listening to an old mariah carey song that i deleted a while back and re-downloaded. "i can't live without you" is what's called. i remembered being moved by mariah back in freshmen year. i still am right now. "no i can't forget tomorrow when i think of all my sorrow, when i had you there and then i let you go. and now it's only fair that i should let you know what you should know...i can't live, living is without you. i can't live, i can't give anymore". we only have so much capacity within ourselves.
i wanted to give you the world, and then you turned away. leaving me to cry alone. hmm...yet life goes on.
how does that happen? strengh...maybe. or maybe it's because i have to. there's nothing else left for me to do. i guess that's a part of growing up. i still have so much of that to do. in the mist of jr year, and i still don't know what anything is about.
time to think
-g1