a mullet can't always make the troubles go away

sometimes i wonder if there really is anything i can say to her. everyone else always seems to have the right words, providing the solace i never can give. it's days like this i want to help and feel so cold because i have nothing to say except unemotional cliches that means nothing to her or to me for that matter. it's days like this that i feel that smiling is better than bitching.

maybe pretending that everything is normal may help the day pass by faster. i thought it would last. and now i only see what kind of conclusion leads to true feelings. and then i realize that i'm going to follow her path and fall like she did. and she doesn't deserve any of this. but who's fault is it? no ones. feelings are random...they occur they disappear. but to toy with one's emotions...to string someone alone...that's just not fair.

maybe that's the difference between before and after a relationship. they are both manipulating, playful, hinting yet at the same time concealing. except right before a relationship there exists this sense of wonder, hope for the future. and it disappears or turns into spite and hate afterwards. but when a relationship is over...and hope still exists...either the relationship should not be over...or someone's toying with someone else's fragile heart. or both.

i personally don't understand relationships...but at the same time...i want what they all have. i want the magic the romance the giddy feeling when i hear his voice. but if it all ends in tragedy, it makes me doubt things that perfect exists. it makes me doubt the point of wanting a relationship. it makes me feel like i should just stop...for the sake of the both of us. but then hope...makes me go on.

life goes on. and she'll be okay. and i know she'll be strong. i hope anyways. for her sake and his.

-g1