brought down with the force of nature

It's when I'm alone at night or when I wake up too early in the morning that feels the worst. (esp back to back) I've kept myself busy by studying, hanging out with close friends, and watching massive amounts of TV. But once that stops, here I am, with this sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach as a companion, and the feeling of suffocation takes over.

My dad comes in, examines my forhead with his hand and says "good you don't have sars" and walks away.

I know it's a natural process, which kind of sucks because it's so predictable and with time it'll be over but i thought i was strong enough to skip over or at least quickly pass by the first four stages and jump right to acceptance.

but now i've realized that this entire week has been step 1: denial. fuck. and all this time i thought i was fine. what a bunch of bullshit.

at least i got 12 hrs of sleep. but the headache didn't go away. i think it'll take a while.

-g1