this seems familiar

it's only the end of june, but it seems the rest of summer will be work and not much else. technically it's by my own volition, so i shouldn't complain, but maybe i'll regret wasting what seems like the last perfect summer doing something "productive" at the expense of...what else. yeah, what else, because "perfect" isn't exactly turning out perfectly, being bored to tears whenever i'm not doing anything, which is most of the time, and then always having something weighing on my mind when i am doing something, so why the heck shouldn't i give that up, as if i had something better to do, or rather, something i'd better prefer to do? i can remember what the "perfect" summer was like and it sure as heck didn't involve this much worrying, or trying so hard. but then again, maybe i'm getting it wrong and next summer is the one that'll be perfect, and i'll just have to wait this one through however it goes...

blowing off a little steam doesn't feel as good as i'd expect...but at least maybe things don't get nearly as bad as what i say when i do...