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for some reason i'm believing that once this emptiness in me dies and is replaced with alcohol and a paycheck i'll finally reach adulthood and never feel lonely again. but for now, and the next month and a half (it's a chant not a waltz) i'll hate being completely alone with not even my own self to keep company because she's pretty much been done away with in my needing to be a useful appendage of some shitass corporation. please god let this not be the rest of life.. but i know that it will be... and i don't even want to eat anymore but i put on some dumb persona and try to pretend that this isn't summer. not because i'm working, but because summer shouldn't feel this detached.

oh... and the lady who took my senior year photo and the lady from the CRC who i had for fast paced verbal both came to petsmart and remembered me and i'm very thankful i'm working mornings so i'm too tired and hopped up on caffeine to have any real emotion until after 5. sales is kind of fun, too, i like harassing people to death.