i loooove yooouu jesus chriiiist

i haven't been to class in almost a week. which is a nice feeling except that it's a little premature on my part. and it looks like another all-nighter. no matter how hard i try, no matter how many hours i put in over the weekend and the week of not-class. can't win, can i? i suppose i'm just a hopelessly slow writer. too much time spent sitting and thinking. and getting caught up in circular logic. and painstakingly drawing flow charts and diagrams with mspaint. very inefficient. i'm an idiot.

i've figured out what (one of) my problems is. i can't get rid of this childish desire to have fun with my life instead of just dealing with it. also, i don't really have fun ever. also, i'm unjustifiably over-emotional at completely random times. from now on, i will no longer cry in front of strangers (or anyone) (ever).

When you were young
You were the king of carrot flowers
And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees
In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet

And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy's shoulder
And dad would throw the garbage all across the floor
As we would lay and learn what each other's bodies were for

And this is the room
One afternoon I knew I could love you
And from above you how I sank into your soul
Into that secret place where no one dares to go

And your mom would drink until she was no longer speaking
And dad would dream of all the different ways to die
Each one a little more than he could dare to try