well ok. after the whole 911 thing that happened, i wrote this in the diary. but then i felt that it was too... serious for this diary. but i guess this is a diary rite? my thoughts aren't original. obviously, no one is relie unique nowadays. however, this is a diary, and these were my rants, and i'm allowed to put w/e it is i want, and not worry who reads it. rite? alryte...
Last night, I couldn�t sleep. Tossed and turned continuously. Then I thought the cause of my sleep depravation could only be due to one reason and one reason alone�I couldn�t sleep because I was bothered by my socks being on my feet.
No. It couldn�t have been anything else that kept me awake at this hour of the night.
Well maybe it could have been a few other reasons.
Maybe it had to do with how much stress I am under. Every little thing I do now, how well I manage my time, how much knowledge I accumulate from now till the end of college, can and will determine the rest of my life. So to me, trivial tests or petty homework assignments all seem pretty significant.
Or maybe it could be due to my disappointment with this world. Having to live each day in a place filled with superficiality and self-consciousness. We all care about the way we look, the way we act, right down to the words we say to one another. We are all too quick to judge others, either consciously or subconsciously. And not wanting to be judged, we hide under our thick layers. We manipulate, we deceive, and we do whatever we can for others to like us for the people they think we are. Lying is so natural and commonplace nowadays; it doesn�t even register on our conscience. We smile and flaunt our straight teeth, but cry in pain inside. We want others to treats us with kindness, yet we repay them with fakeness. We want too much from others, yet expect too little of ourselves. As hypocrites, we say things that we don�t believe in. Phrases like �I love you� and �I promise� just don�t give off the same effect anymore. This isn�t a movie, we don�t have scripts and there are no directors. Yet, every now and then, we hear our conscience whispering �action� and each day, we perform Oscar Winning roles as people we would like to become. Cheating ourselves of honesty, trust, and true love, blaming others for our misery, depending on others to entertain us, we stare blankly at the dark gray sky wondering why we feel so alone and why the hurt will never cease.
Or maybe it could be that this government today still doesn�t understand that �two wrongs don�t make a right�. Didn�t we learn this in kindergarten? Treat others the way we�d want to be treated. Yes, of course vengeances gives us the fastest results, but it doesn�t solve the problem.
Or maybe it could be because I know how much you�re hurting. I�m by your side hurting just as much. Deep down we sympathize, we pray, we hope, and we have faith. But how far will our spirits take us? The world is change, heck; the universe is expanding at the speed of light. To the universe, time is irrelevant. We are irrelevant. The entire human race is no more than a miniscule millisecond in space; of course time doesn�t even exist. But we must not think like that. To us, we are relevant, to us, everything we do matters. Or at least that�s what I tell my self, and that�s what you tell yourself�in order to stay sane.
But no, it must be the socks. My mind blames the socks automatically. So, I remove those bothersome socks. 2 minutes later, I fell asleep.
**g1**