wow...that was a tangent. but focusing now. why DO i want to get A's? hmm...because A's are so much nicer looking than B's. i don't want to feel incompetent. incompetent to do what? do nothing. thinking about colleges today. [due to counselor] and it's pretty weird. UofI doesn't sound that bad now even though it should be like my backup backup school in case my backup school doesn't fall through right? i don't know. i don't have enough confidance to think i could actu. get into northwestern or UofC or something. and even if i do? would i go? so much money would be wasted. so much of my parents hard earned money. for me. to do...what? nothing. to learn for what? nothing. i want to be nobody. well a nobody who is set for life. i want what everyone else wants, but these answers are not easily revealed through some stupid a's on an unofficial transcript. are they? no.
i guess one day i may find direction, ambition, a guiding light. or something along those lines. i've alredie changed my mind on what i want to become so many times. i'm a freaking jr now. not a young one anymore. *sigh* i always thought by now i'd have everything set and all. i mean i was more concerned w. sats and acts back in 8th grade than i am today. no motivation to succeed. only motivation to get some stupid a's that don't count now. does that make sense?
no ambition whatsoever. so why am i doing hw?...ugh...maybe it's just a habit. i don't know. maybe it's for the damn cheap thrills. is that what life these days have come down to? cheap thrill in every aspect of life. ugh..so ptless...
-g1